Making Small Talk Big

The single most important event in the sales process is the first face-to-face meeting with a new prospective client. If you think about it, the beginning of the most important event in the sales process is a big moment. Do you really want to burn it talking about the weather?

small-talkSmall talk, the ritualistic chat that occurs at the beginning of any meeting, is often about the weather, your trip from the airport, or the local sports team’s recent success or failure.

The single most important event in the sales process is the first face-to-face meeting with a new prospective client. If you think about it, the beginning of the most important event in the sales process is a big moment. Do you really want to burn it talking about the weather?

The ultimate strategic goal of a sales meeting with a client prospect is to be useful to the person sitting in front of you. There are ways to be deliberate and strategic about small talk in those big opening moments so it serves as more than just idle chatter.

So how does the age-old human custom of small talk fit into your being useful?

Small talk: a story

In the final month before I left my sales job in the banking industry, I was handing off my clients to Karl, my replacement. Karl and I traveled from Boston to meet David, the CFO of a large real estate company in Chicago. Seated in David’s office, we were waiting for him to arrive. He strode in ten minutes later and said,

”Sorry I’m late, I just got back from vacation, and there is a lot going on today.”

Karl says, ”Where did you go on vacation?”

David looks at Karl quizzically. (They have yet to even be introduced.) “We have a house a couple of hours north of here in the Michigan lakes area.”

“My wife is from Michigan,” says Karl, “We vacation in the Michigan lakes every summer.”

And then a conversation breaks out about this golf course and that renovated hotel — a conversation that I don’t participate in at all. And even though the point was to connect David and Karl, and that was exactly what was happening, I still remember sitting there feeling left out of their animated chat.

Small talk and being useful

To be useful you need to be able to dig into and understand your client’s situation. In order for you to dig, the person sitting in front of you has to be willing to answer the questions you ask. For that, you need credibility.

And small talk, if you’re just a little bit deliberate, can influence your credibility. In Never Be Closing we discuss three routes to credibility: shared community, professional process/protocol, and expertise/experience/knowledge.

Within seconds of meeting David, Karl was able to access a shared community; to connect with David around a mutual vacation spot. Was that enough to get him credibility? More specifically, was that connection enough that David would be willing to answer the questions Karl needed to ask to figure out how to be useful; questions about what was going on at David’s company right now?

The answer to that question depends on David and his approach to understanding people and situations. For some people, a sense of shared community provides enough comfort and credibility that they’ll happily move to the exploration part of the meeting. In any event, it was pretty clear that the shared community Karl discovered certainly didn’t hurt.

And yes, Karl was a little bit lucky. But, he wouldn’t have been lucky at all if he hadn’t paid attention, asked about what he was curious about, and disclosed his own connection to the Michigan lakes.

Karl made small talk big. Here are the small talk habits he practiced that increase the opportunities for connections to happen.

Five Steps to Making Small Talk Big

1. Follow your curiosity. Focus on what you are genuinely interested in. In the lobby, waiting area, or your client’s office, look at the walls. See what’s around you that piques your interest. The photo of the ribbon cutting? The artwork in the lobby? The trophy in the glass case? Authentic connection begins with authentic curiosity.

Find something you’re curious about, and…

2. Ask. Karl asked David where he went on vacation. Karl wouldn’t have had the chance to be lucky if he hadn’t asked the question.

Make it a habit to ask questions that aren’t about business, and to…

3. Make it Personal. It might be your only chance to access information about your client prospect that’s outside of their work role. Don’t waste that time talking about the weather and the traffic.

By making the small talk more personal, Karl was able to…

4. Disclose. When you tell something about yourself, it offers the person you’re talking to an opportunity to make a connection to you. Disclosure invites disclosure. Tell something about you, and you create space for your client to find shared community. Karl did both. He asked where David vacationed, and he disclosed his connection to Michigan’s lakes.

And, time is short so…

5. Start right away. The moment you enter your client’s building, start noticing what topics grab your interest. Small talk usually lasts for less than ten minutes, and begins when someone comes to the waiting area to meet you. Often, that person will be a part of the meeting you’re about to have. There are a multitude of conversation starters if you pay attention to what’s around you, and what’s happening.


When you know why you’re engaging in it and how it can help you run a more effective meeting, the habits that make small talk even more useful are simple and obvious. How simple and obvious? It boils down to this:

Ask right away about anything you see that you are curious about. And then explain why you’re curious about it.

By asking about what you are authentically curious about, and disclosing why you’re curious, you can find connections, access shared community, and build credibility. Credibility gets you to the next step in the meeting process. When your client will answer the questions you ask. Will effective small talk always get you credibility? Not necessarily, but it will happen a lot more if you are deliberate about trying.

The ideas from this post come from Tim and Tim’s book Never Be Closing.

The Most Important Moment in Sales

When you walk into a meeting with a new client, a useful metric for sustaining a meaningful dialog is five questions: five questions that occurred to you as you were researching your client; five questions that are conversation starters; five questions that can’t be answered with a yes or a no.

Preparing for a face-to-face meeting with a new prospective client

questions-cloudsHow much research is enough to go into a meeting with a prospective client in order to lead a meaningful dialog?

It’s self evident that as a salesperson you should know the obvious things about the company with whom you are meeting. Is their market cap, their supply chain, or current industry news, information you should know based on the industry you work in? A grasp of the information that is relevant and easily available is a hygiene factor. Knowing this background data is necessary, but it won’t get you very far in terms of a successful meeting.

When you walk into a meeting with a new client, a useful metric for sustaining a meaningful dialog is five questions: five questions that occurred to you as you were researching your client; five questions that are conversation starters; five questions that can’t be answered with a yes or a no.

Why five? Five satisfies the Goldilocks principle. It’s not too many. It’s not too few. Despite your research some of your questions will be dead ends, either because your client doesn’t know the answer, the answer doesn’t lend itself to any further exploration, or you learn the answer in the meeting before you get the chance to ask it. A couple will generate traction. Five is usually enough to get and keep a conversation rolling. The goal of your five questions is to find new and better questions, questions that your client has not yet solved, questions that your client has not yet even articulated, but if solved would help them move forward. (We call these catalytic questions.)

As you do your research, look for what you are naturally curious about, and then construct open questions that require your client to think and work to answer. Questions that require a detailed answer start with stems like…

Can you tell me about…?
What was/is the motivation for…?
How did you accomplish…?
Can you explain the reasons for…?
What’s the impact of…?
Why…?

It’s natural that some of the things you’ll be curious about are areas that relate to your product or service. If you’re selling a recycling service, you might say “I saw in your annual report a commitment to environmental sustainability. How is that impacting your division this year?”

Remember, to prepare for a meeting with a client, generate five questions that meet these three criteria..

Questions…

  1. You are genuinely curious about.
  2. May link to your product or service.
  3. Start with an open stem like the ones listed.

Now, you’re ready to have a productive first face-to-face with a new client. Good luck!

Disqualifying You

disqualifiedBusiness people are busy. When you sit in front of a new prospective customer or client for the first time, you should have a set of potential outcomes that move the process and the relationship forward. One thing you’d like to be able to judge is the success of your meeting. To paraphrase Rob Fitz, author of The Mom Test, a meeting that “went well” is probably a failure. You can be sure your client has a potential outcome that will keep the meeting from being a failure from their perspective: disqualifying you.

Disqualifying you as someone they will ever talk to again is a useful outcome. From now on, they won’t waste any time fielding your calls or answering your emails.

(By the way, for you, disqualifying them as a potential client is also useful: in order to disqualify them, you have to learn something.)

If you disqualify each other for appropriate reasons, it may not be the outcome you wanted, but it’s progress. But if you get disqualified because you didn’t prepare, asked the wrong questions, or didn’t listen, you just used up your get-out-of-jail-free card, that one first meeting when people are willing to meet with you without knowing if you are useful.

The first face-to-face meeting is the most important moment in the sales process. It’s useful to behave like it is. Don’t waste that chance. Enter that first meeting with a plan.

The Performance

People enjoy exploring their situation. When they get to talk about themselves and have somebody listen and ask questions, this is a gift. The craft of running a sales meeting is enabling that to happen for your client.

iStock_000040286014MediumYes, a sales meeting is a performance. It’s an opportunity for the “performer” to explain his or her situation, to explore and communicate what they know.

As a salesperson, you are part director, part stagehand, even part scriptwriter, but one thing you are NOT is the star of the performance — your client is the star. It’s their show. The tension, an integral part of any performance are the challenges, itches, bugs, annoyances that your client faces. If you don’t get to those, there is no tension and no story. There is no performance.

People enjoy exploring their situation. When they get to talk about themselves and have somebody listen and ask questions, this is a gift. The craft of running a sales meeting is enabling that to happen for your client.

Like cooking, you don’t just throw a bunch of ingredients in the pot at the same time. You need to add each ingredient at the right time and the right temperature and in the right way. You need to know what to hold back; to preheat the oven. You need direction technique and backstage process so you enable your client to shine.